Legolas and Aragorn, detectives? Nah!
by leggy-stinks
Summary: Lord Elrond summons Legolas and Aragorn to help him. Can they solve his problem? Read and find out! Caution: High Leggybashing content found inside!


**Disclaimer:  **I own every single character mentioned in this fic.  None of them belong to J.R.R. Tolkien, with the exception of Legolas.  I would not wish to own HIM if my LIFE depended on it.  Hah!  No, but seriously, I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this fic.  They ALL belong to Tolkien, not only Legolas.  *sigh*

**Warning:**  A fair amount of Legolas-bashing can be found in this fic.  Leggy-lovers, proceed with caution!

…

The House of Elrond was in an uproar.  The twins were scheming, Glorfindel was screaming, and the servants were cleaning.  Suddenly, everyone was silenced as the magnanimous voice of a fuming Lord Elrond filled the air.

"I WAS ROBBED!!!" 

Everyone forgot what they were doing and quickly rushed to Lord Elrond's aid.  They stood in the doorway of Lord Elrond's bedroom, and had to bite their lips to stop from laughing out loud at the vision before them.

Lord Elrond, not fully dressed yet, was sitting in front of his dresser.  Situated on top of it was a blue make-up mirror.  His face was red with rage.  Lord Elrond's son, Elrohir, could not help letting out a small snicker, eliciting a deadly glare from his father, which shut him up immediately.

"Ada, you said you were robbed.  What happened?" Elrohir asked, an amused look upon his face.

Lord Elrond looked around at the other faces of the occupants of his bedroom.  They all had expressions similar to that of Elrohir's.  Lord Elrond clearly was not happy about that.

"I assure you this is not a laughing matter," Lord Elrond said calmly.  Too calmly.  _Eerily_ calmly.    

The others understood the warning and put on their most serious expressions.

"We are sorry, Lord Elrond.  We know this is serious.  We would just like to know what you were robbed of," stated Glorfindel.  The others nodded in agreement.

"Alright, I shall tell you.  But you must promise not to laugh."

The others looked at each other, knowing that they would not be able to hold in their laughter, but they nodded anyways.

"We promise," assured Elladan, Lord Elrond's other son.

"Okay.  But before I tell you, I shall remind you that this is very serious."  They nodded.

 "Very well.  I was robbed of my tweezers."

The others stared at Lord Elrond.  

_Good.  They are taking this seriously like they should_, Elrond thought, impressed.

Suddenly, everyone was shaking with laughter.  They were laughing so hard, tears were streaming out of their eyes.  Their sides were aching, they were laughing so hard.  

Lord Elrond watched the scene, stunned.

He shook himself out of his stupor.  The laughter filled his ears, and his face was soon turning purple with anger.  He slowly stood up, and, in a formidable voice, he yelled,    

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!  _NOW_!!!" 

Everyone cleared out of his room, still wheezing with laughter.

Lord Elrond counted to ten before calming down enough to think rationally.

"This _is_ a serious matter," he told himself.  "The council is coming up soon, and, if I don't find my tweezers, I won't be able to pluck my bushy eyebrows."  

He paced the room, thinking what to do.  He started dressing up, and by the time he was done, he had decided what he needed to do.

"This is a case for the detectives!" he exclaimed.  "And I know just whom I should call.  My foster son, Aragorn.  He is the best ranger in Middle-Earth.  He will be able to find my tweezers in no time.  And I know _he_ will not laugh at me."

_Stupid sons, stupid Glorfindel, stupid servants_, Elrond thought bitterly.

"Yes, I shall summon Aragorn right now.  And I know exactly where he will be."

As Lord Elrond was proceeding to the forest, he thought of something and stopped to ponder over it.

"Detectives always come in two!  With whom should I pair Aragorn?" he asked himself.  Not a moment later, being the intelligent elf-lord that he was, Lord Elrond had an answer.

"I know!  I shall hire Legolas.  He was accompanying Aragorn in the forest, so it should be easy to find him."  

With that decision made, he continued on his search for Aragorn.

…

Meanwhile, Aragorn is traipsing somewhere in the middle of the forest, tracking some animals for food.  As of late, he had been failing miserably.

_I pride myself on being an experienced Ranger, so why haven't I found any animals yet? _he thought to himself.  He didn't want to speak out loud, for fear of scaring away any prey.  

Little did he know that he had already cleared all the animals in the forest with his stench.  One sniff of him, and all the creatures in a 30-foot radius quickly scurried away.  

Suddenly, Aragorn heard a sound behind him.  His hand flew to the hilt of his sword, and, slowly, silently, he turned around. 

He screamed in fright when he saw his foster father's face not even an inch away from his own.  He placed his hand on his heart, panting.

"You almost scared me to death, Ada!  What are you doing here?"

Lord Elrond was rubbing his sensitive ears.  

"I am sorry I frightened you, Aragorn, but I have come to summon you to the house.  I need your assistance with something.   I would like Legolas to come as well.  Is he not with you?" Lord Elrond asked, seeing that Legolas was not nearby.

"Legolas was with me, but he stopped to chat with a tree, so I left him," Aragorn explained, rolling his eyes.

"Ah, I see.  Well then, you wait at the house, while I search for Legolas, alright?" Lord Elrond told his foster son.

Aragorn nodded, then turned around to leave the forest, while Lord Elrond continued onward in search of Legolas.

…

Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, Legolas is sitting on the ground, sharing tea with his old friend, Tree.  He was looking around the forest, and he noticed that almost half of the trees were gone since the last time he decided to visit his good friend.  He wondered why.  He returned his attention to Tree.

"How is your tea, Tree?" Legolas enquired, affectionately.

He cupped his ear and leaned forward.

"What's that?" he asked.  "Your tea is too hot?  Well, I'll fix that for you."

Legolas picked up two sticks and rubbed them together.  A fire sparked, and he placed it inside his good friend's full teacup.

"There you go.  That should take care of it," he said, warmly.  He smiled at Tree.  

Suddenly, Legolas sensed something amiss.   He stood up cautiously.  He had to be on guard in case somebody attempted to harm his friend.  He tensed up immediately when he felt another sharp warning near his shoulder. 

Quickly, though, the tension fled and he started laughing.  

"It was only the phone," he exclaimed cheerfully, assuring Tree that he need not worry.

Marveling at his own stupidity, Legolas raised his empty teacup to his ear.  

"Hello.  Who is this?" he asked.

Behind him, Lord Elrond, who had been trying to get Legolas's attention by poking him on the shoulder, rolled his eyes.

"You are requested at Lord Elrond's house, Prince Legolas.  Please meet me there."

After saying this, Lord Elrond, thinking,_ what have I gotten myself into?, _turned around and left.

Legolas placed the teacup on the ground and looked up at his friend, Tree, with a frown on his face.

"I'm sorry, Tree, but I must leave.  Thank you for having tea with me.  I shall come back soon."  

And, with that, he picked up his teacup/phone and hurried out of the forest to Aragorn's foster father's house.

_Stupid woodelf_, thought Tree, before being engulfed by the flames of the fire in the still-full teacup Legolas placed next to his roots. 

…

Back at Lord Elrond's House, Aragorn was laughing his head off after hearing his foster father's request, quickly raising the ire of Lord Elrond.  Between laughter, Aragorn was able to ask,

"You (snicker) want me (snicker) to track down (snicker) your eyebrow (snicker) _tweezers_ (guffaw)?"

"YES!" Lord Elrond yelled, unable to take the laugher any longer.  "_DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!_"

Aragorn, now scared out of his wits, shook his head and meekly replied,

"No, sir."

Calming down, Lord Elrond said,

"Good!  Now, I want you to track it down, and Legolas will accompany you."

Aragorn groaned.

"But Legolas will just hamper my tracking skills.  Why does he have to come along?"

"Stop whining like a little baby.   Detectives always come in pairs, and Legolas can be your extra set of eyes and ears.   So he will accompany you whether you like it or not, OKAY?"  Lord Elrond shouted.

At this reprimand, Aragorn looked down, ashamed.  He nodded, expressing his agreement to his foster father.

Lord Elrond turned to Legolas and addressed him.

"Good!  Now, Legolas, you will accompany Aragorn and help him by watching his back, alright?  Do not, I repeat, do NOT interfere with his tracking, you hear?" 

Legolas nodded quickly.  

"Don't worry, Lord Elrond.  I understand your plight and empathize with you.  I shall do everything in my power to help," Legolas assured him, directing an understanding smile towards Lord Elrond.

Of course, all Lord Elrond could think at that moment was how disgusted he was that he actually had something in common with Legolas.  

_Eeewww_, he thought. _I am most surely not going to pluck my eyebrows NOW.  I would rather have my eyebrows bushy at the council than be like Legolas.  I should probably call the whole thing off then.  _

Lord Elrond removed the look of disgust from his face, replacing it with a stoic expression.

"I changed my mind.  I do not need you to look for my tweezers anymore, but I thank you for agreeing to help me.  You may go back to the forest now."

And, with that said, Lord Elrond turned around and left.

Aragorn understood why Lord Elrond did that and returned to the forest, having more respect for his foster father than he had arrived with.  

Legolas followed Aragorn, proudly holding out his newly acquired tweezers that he could add to his growing collection.  He pranced cheerfully through the forest, eager to show his tweezers to his good friend, Tree.   

…

The End 

…

**A/N:**  I know, it was a stupid story, but hey!  It came to me one night, and I wrote it.  Thanks for reading, everyone!  And an extra thanks to those who review! :)


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